The American Way of Life
I can’t sleep. It hurts to breathe. The air is too dry. The vaporize makes too much noise so I can’t sleep with it on.My office is always cold so in the winter I have a small heater, in the summer I wear a sweater. It is dry.
My daughter is scratching in her sleep, her skin is dry. Sometimes I scratch too. My arms are dry,my lips are dry, my eyes are dry.
Summer wont be better because now that I work, no one is home all day. I have to keep the windows closed, which means I have to keep the AC on when I am not here. And it makes little sense to open windows for a few hours then close them again at night. I cant sleep alone with kids and have open windows.
I miss the breeze, the sounds of birds and frogs and people. Not that there are people anymore. Sidewalks? What are those? Neighborhoods? Whats that? People live their lives moving from one climate controlled box to another. From house to car to store to office back to the house again.
It was warm this weekend. I immediately abandoned the house and spent hours outside tending the yard and garden. My daughter played on her swing set alone. No kids her age live in this neighborhood. If they do, no one sees them because there are no sidewalks, no parks, no stores, no reasons for people to be out and about.
Most of the people I know are isolated, lonely. They work all the time, are separated by our need to be mobile, from their families and cities of origin. They are rootless, disconnected. even those who have settled down have found themselves having to move to find a job, or because their neighborhoods have been destroyed by massive numbers of foreclosures. Those who stay find themselves cut off as their longtime friends and neighbors move.
I’ve been so busy that I’ve focused on the small things, not the larger picture. But I remember now- I hate the American way of life. Its not one thing, not even a handful- I dislike the lifestyle. The way we live here is not how I want to live, not how I expected to live.
I’m ready to go. I’ve been ready to leave the city and state I am in since before I got here, but had made peace with the country. But as I plan my move, I despair. Its ME, I think. No matter where I go, the issues will remain the same.Maybe its ME. But as I woke up, dying of thirst and searching for some way,in a HUMID climate, to ease the dryness of my mouth, my nose, my skin; I remembered other places, other times. Before I worked, when I could have open windows, could see the sun, could feel the air, hear signs of life, see people and human activity.
I just don’t like this place.Not the place, not the people- the lifestyle. I want out.
